Thursday, January 18th, 2007
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3:53 pm - In The Past Two Years
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I have been dating Chris for the last two years..I have come to grow into him and really find out who he was..which is not the person he seemed to be...His arrogance urks me..we cant talk about our relationship ever especially when its because i'm feeling down in it and want to let some things out..its always my fautl..always his way or no way..he's controling and i've lost touch with my family....I need to get help leaving him because i'm constantly finding things of him like pics of himself naked on his e-mail from his phone that i've never seen..dated back to valentines day just before we made a year..i also found a text message to another girl telling her that she's the best woman he's ever met..he told me i'm to young to even call me a woman! she's younger than me! he never tells me things like taht or sends me sweet messages like that..at this point i say fuck it....then all my emotions clash because i am so in love..and i do want so badly to be with him..but it isnt worth it..why do i love him? He's just an ass who trys to control my life...I'm so tired..i'm falling..crashing..becoming unhealthy and i havent had a massage from a boyfriend of mine in over two years..and he wonders why i seem like i'm pushing him away..
current mood:  crushed
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Thursday, February 24th, 2005
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7:08 pm
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My New journal is finaly ready, if you want it..contact me! *kisses* or comment on here..if you want it i'll give it to you..if i approve that is *smiles*
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8:11 am
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okay, I had the craziest dream! Well, He and I were sitting somwhere..looked like some sort of trolley car or somthing...brass lining around the door and seats..and a few poles to hold on to while we moved..and there was a lot of people standing around but none were paying attention. There was some music playing...I dont know it was odd..like mardi gras atmosphere but in a closed in area to where you couldnt see anything! It was so weird! Then, He pulled me ontop of his lap, and he kissed me! It was like, he had been starving for it almost..and as we kissed he seemed to pull me closer..like I had been gone for some time, but was still there..and I feel into the kiss, placing my hands on his cheeks and showing him that I was starving for the kiss just as much as he was! I pulled myself away from him..it was like, I had to rip my heart out in order to do that, and I told him that I couldnt do that, becuase It was'nt like me to get into the middle of a relationship...He said, "yes, i'm not one to do that to somone either, but I've fallen in love with you".....I woke up shortly after to the phone rining...but I didnt answer..becaus It was him..and I was so scared of what he might say..I'm scared of him taking away all that I have..and He is all that I have..I hope that She dosnt take him away..I wouldnt be able to live..But I called back in the morning, because he sounded upset on the phone..and he told me that what he needed to talk to me about could wait until later...I'm terrified...
I'M NOT ABOUT TO GIVE UP..I DUNNO WTF I WAS THINKING! GAHHLSKMFDALJFSJFAL;SJ FASDJFL;ZDJFASJ
current mood:  scared
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Wednesday, February 23rd, 2005
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8:11 am
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I had a really nice conversation with Jerit yesterday. He's a really great perosn, and a good freind too. He made me think about some stuff..I dont think he knows that. I learned a lot just from talking to him. Yeah, you have feelings for your first love possibly forever...But I don't think he's what I'm looking for anyhow..I like just being freinds with him, and I think he feels the same. He has Alex, that there is some true love he shows for that girl. I'm so happy for him when things go alright! He's a sweeite and deserves things to go right...but anyway..the thing he taught me was that, even though I care a lot for..well you know who..I need to try to move on, because I'm caught up in him and i'm waiting for him, and I shouldnt wait on him...Yeah I dont know how me and J's conversation taught me that, but it did...It came to me when he said somthing...But at any rate..I should move on...I should find somone I can give my heart to, and They can give it back..I need somwhere to put all of this love that I have inside of me..Just, I have to give it a try..Maybe I'll start talking to the cute guy on the bus I've had my eyes on *giggles* yeah Manda, like it's gunna be that easy right?
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Monday, February 21st, 2005
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9:10 am - Leave comments and tell meh if you think its me!
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8:23 am - a little about me..in case you needed to know more..only my most accurate quizes!
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yay quizes! woot!
The Goddess of Roses and Love. You are a hopeless
romantic. Always optimistic and loving, you
have many friends and you are exceptionally
trustworthy. You are a innocent beauty.
Which gorgeous goddess are you? For girls! (breath taking pics!) NEW PICS!
brought to you by Quizilla
PASSIONATE LOVER. You love to love, always looking
for a relationship. You cannot live without it.
Your lover must be passionate and you want
that you and your partner melt into each other.
He/She should not try to take the domination .
You dont want a relationship without passion,
and the sexuality plays a big part. The first
moment you meet him/her is one of the most
important. There has to be something between
you , you cannot explain. From the first moment
on everything must fix. But when this passion
disappears you disappear to. For you it is
better to leave than to see your love
restrained.
PLEASE VOTE, I want to know what you think about my
quiz, I worked hard on it.You can always
message me or tell me how I can improve that
quiz. Ill sure write back.
~THE big LOVE TEST!! What do you need? With PICS! For girls and boys!~
brought to you by Quizilla
You are a Slow Dancer. You are the romantic girl
between your friends, you have beautiful sweet
little dreams about the future, you love your
friends and ready to do any thing for them.
Your ideal man is the charming prince who is
ready to give up everything just for you, and
always show you how much he loves you.
What kind of dancers are you? (Girls only)
brought to you by Quizilla *giggles* yeah i am wearing somthing red *laughs*
current mood:  awake
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8:06 am
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dsfjalfj it like...gahh this feeling...it makes me smile! i feel so complete..like..it was supposed to be like this a long time ago..its so undescribable how i feel..its like...fdlsjfaljflasjflasjfajslfcj!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! yeah thats it flaskdjfalskdjflaksdjflaskdjfljsdafljsadlfjdsljkfldjghfgsajfjhdsg gahh!
current mood:  flirty
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Saturday, February 19th, 2005
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6:15 pm
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no no no no no...its not at all how i though..its peacful and perfect..and he knows it.
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Friday, February 18th, 2005
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9:48 pm
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9:42 pm
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a toy??? really?? could it be???
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9:25 pm
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Dad: read the small signals manda..read em like a book..
Me: what are you talking about! seriously dad!
Dad: you know what i'm talkin about.
Me: No! seriously! what?
Dad: He gets a few freinds over...and you're invisible.
Why can't he stay out of my IMs?? gahh! Nobody understands...or..well..maybe i just dont want to hear it..o well i guess i'm making a mistake..*covers ears* i'm not listening!
current mood:  curious
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4:18 pm
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NoTtHeGiRlToLeAv: im back im back im back
NoTtHeGiRlToLeAv returned at 4:14:37 PM.
KeppakuKoneko: yay
notthegirltoleav: [ Zone Labs Security alert: Session not encrypted because notthegirltoleav is not protected by IM Security ]
KeppakuKoneko: *glomp*
NoTtHeGiRlToLeAv: gurl i think my but gettin big!
KeppakuKoneko: lol
NoTtHeGiRlToLeAv: its getting hot in hurr so take off all ur clothes -danes and continutes to sing-
KeppakuKoneko: i love you aly
KeppakuKoneko: !!1!!!11
1
KeppakuKoneko: lol
KeppakuKoneko: ljafl;jf i love you
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7:54 am
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gahhh ajdlajfldj I just..I want to hug him and never let go! This morning, I just..all I could do was hug him. I didnt want to take my hands off of his! He is all I ever wanted, all I've ever dreamed of, all I will ever want...I'm going to win his heart..If my life depends on it..I'm not making the same mistake twice..I've just got to figure out a way..but I will do it..I WILL! galdfjaljdslajf gah. I want him! MINE ! Lol sorry! I just..want want want..i'm not thinking of only me, just so you guys know..I want to make him happy..seeing him upset makes me feel torn. I just..Love that smile he gives me..I love the way he touches me..the way he makes me feel...is just.so..amazing and I want to show him how it feels..give him the same..give him what he deserves..I know that I am what he wants..I just dont know if he sees it yet..so i'll just have to show him *smiles and walks away quite bouncly*
current mood:  bouncy
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Thursday, February 17th, 2005
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5:35 pm - awies
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kiss on the lips - you're sweet and simple but
quite daring. you move for the kill confidently
knowing the other person wants the same thing.
What Sign of Affection Are You?
brought to you by Quizilla
that picture is like a dream to me..I want so badly for that love, that kiss, that pounding of my heart against his chest..But i'm being foolish...He'll never see that all he desires is wrapped up inside of me...I wont let him...i mean, sure i want him..and i truly love him..but some things are better left unsaid..
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5:30 pm
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-Perfect- You're the perfect girlfriend. Which
means you're rare or that you cheated :P You're
the kind of chick that can hang out with your
boyfriend's friends and be silly. You don't
care about presents or about going to fancy
placed. Hell, just hang out. You're just happy
being around your boyfriend.
What Kind of Girlfriend Are You?
brought to you by Quizilla
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4:52 pm
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4:47 pm
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8:36 am
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Shadows in the dark and hollow and soft
my tear are reborn
life goes on leaving me behind
and now I know
life is not
Life is long
sometimes I’m not strong
live on, pray on
life Is going by
pass through the years
in only one second
and life, it goes
on on and on
and I am not alone
and I am not alone to live this world on my own.
am I strong
without you
I don’t want to know
I am not the one who’ll let you drown
put your fears behind me and watch them burn.
down it goes following your fear and now I know life is not bad,
tears that fall I know that your not.
falling and catching
life is all about
a time
I knew
and now
I’m not alone.
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Monday, February 14th, 2005
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8:57 pm
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Saturday, February 12th, 2005
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7:27 pm
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Hey everybody! *smiles* I'm just all hyper..*jumps* but Chris is almost dissapeared..I talked to him earlier..but His phone is off now and he's online..but not..its kinda scary..And he's a person of his word and Eteneach was supposed to get him to watch the dog..she leaves tomorrow and he hasnt talked to her yet..I'm worried about him..he's scaring us both.
current mood: curious
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black_as_love's journal
